After a long long time... yesterday I really spoke my heart out to someone. It was a lil uncanny, yes. But once I was comfortable...there was no stopping me. Thanks for listening me out bhai :)
We were talking about how someone, anyone, in my place would have become a ruthless, spoilt, useless brat. Well, maybe yes. But I wont crib..I wont even say I would have been happier had my life been a lil more simple, uncomplicated.
At least I have no right to whine. I have two eyes which can see the blue sky, the brown soil, the green plants and all the beauty. I have a nose which can smell the flowers in my garden. I have a set of perfect ears to listen to Green day, what would I have done without them.
I have two hands which can feed me, let me msg people, draw, play the sitar and type! I can walk around, all thanks to my legs, I know I cant manage without them. I have a voice people recognise with. I can breathe eachday and not worry about anything else.
I have a mom I can call my mom, I have two actually :D I have a dad who has always been by my side....no matter what. And I have a bundle of happiness, My bundle of happiness, Alpy :)
Everyday before I sleep, I just wish tomorrow happens, normally. Even though a short one, I have a life better than a million thousand people who live in Shelters for the homeless, Refugee camps, Slums. I count myself lucky 'coz I am better off than someone who has never seen her mom put on a bindi, someone who has never heard the wind tease through his hair, someone who has never spoken a word of love to the people she wants to reach out to, someone who has never felt the first drop of rain on her skin, someone who is really really special .
I want to be a government doctor. Sounds very non-glamorous, right? So be it. I just want to know how it feels to touch lives of the people who will always remember you coz you saved their brother or mother or wife. I want to know how it feels to live in a place with no electricity for months and work under the light of the lamp. I want to know how it feels to tell those kids about a computer who have never even heard of one. I want to know how it feels to be placed next to he who owns us all... I really want to know who it feels to be placed to god. I really want to know how it feels to be a doctor.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Definitions and Democracy.
In my 11th class I visited a psychiatrist, ask me why. It was one of those group sessions where you just chit chat and basically waste some time, just to come back later and waste more. I had my iPod ready and was all in for a nice, long time with my music, alone.
But when it came, it hit me with all its force, I was taken aback. My 'doctor' was not the imagined, 'stereotypical' old spectacled woman but a young guy, probably in his late 20s.
But that’s totally not what made me go wow, It was his attire and moreover the twin ear piercing he had got. I was like ZOMG! He needs a sane person to live with more than I need a doctor. But just then I realized that this was going to be one day full of surprises!
Before I was leaving for this place my dad explained to me a hundred times how it was just a formality and how I shouldn't mind it. Mind it? God, I loved it...And if this is what you call formalities, Please get me some more dad.
This guy, don’t remember his name now, placed a HUGE drawing sheet on the floor and told all of us to sit down, making a circle around it. He gave us each a pen and told us to write a definition of democracy. Obviously, It had to be original and exactly what democracy to us is.
Me posting my definition here, Just coz I am jobless:
My democracy would be one where the youth are educated, street smart and confident or at least where they get the opportunity to become any of it. It would be where they have a clear set idea of how the government is run, who runs it and how "we" can make a difference to something (running the government) which affects our lives, completely. It would be someplace where the "leaders" would adhere to what they preach and where what’s on paper would be put to practice. It has to someplace where a guy/girl in his teens wouldn't say I don't want to become a politician, I am not corrupt. And yes, it would be where I proudly stand up and say I AM AN INDIAN before needing to say I am from Assam's insurgency areas or I am a Muslim or I hold an OBC quota.
Now, there was a guy in his class 9th or 10th I guess, He was here coz some guys at school bullied him and he could not even go tell the teacher. Looks like a loser, right? Let me tell you one more thing, He was the same guy who made everyone in the room cry or maybe I am a lil too emotional . Jotting down his definition coz I really don't need say anymore:
"I don’t remember the definition of democracy which my teacher taught me, If I did maybe I would write that here. But I do remember the way I've always imagined myself to live if I were free to act out of will. Everyone keeps whining about how they want new identities, freedom, better amenities. I just want to be like the rest of you. Tomorrow when I got to school and see my boyfriend, I do not want to act interested in the girls...I just want to go over and say hi to him, the way normal people would. I don’t want to find a corner every time I want to get intimate with him. I don't want my parents to thing he bullies me, He loves me and I love that. I hate to think hundred and one times before I hold his hand. I hate it more when people ridicule us. Every time on V-day people say the so called 'activists' are unfair, they wont let you hold hands in public, share a private moment in a park or simply gift your Valentine a pack of chocolates. Well, Its V-day for us too, just that it is EVERYDAY of our existence that we go under this grinder. When I do share my feelings with people really close to me, they tell me to think again. I want to shout right then, I have been thinking all my life goddamit. Maybe some day I will get married to a girl but I will never learn to live or love coz I really can’t live in this 'Democracy' of yours."
But when it came, it hit me with all its force, I was taken aback. My 'doctor' was not the imagined, 'stereotypical' old spectacled woman but a young guy, probably in his late 20s.
But that’s totally not what made me go wow, It was his attire and moreover the twin ear piercing he had got. I was like ZOMG! He needs a sane person to live with more than I need a doctor. But just then I realized that this was going to be one day full of surprises!
Before I was leaving for this place my dad explained to me a hundred times how it was just a formality and how I shouldn't mind it. Mind it? God, I loved it...And if this is what you call formalities, Please get me some more dad.
This guy, don’t remember his name now, placed a HUGE drawing sheet on the floor and told all of us to sit down, making a circle around it. He gave us each a pen and told us to write a definition of democracy. Obviously, It had to be original and exactly what democracy to us is.
Me posting my definition here, Just coz I am jobless:
My democracy would be one where the youth are educated, street smart and confident or at least where they get the opportunity to become any of it. It would be where they have a clear set idea of how the government is run, who runs it and how "we" can make a difference to something (running the government) which affects our lives, completely. It would be someplace where the "leaders" would adhere to what they preach and where what’s on paper would be put to practice. It has to someplace where a guy/girl in his teens wouldn't say I don't want to become a politician, I am not corrupt. And yes, it would be where I proudly stand up and say I AM AN INDIAN before needing to say I am from Assam's insurgency areas or I am a Muslim or I hold an OBC quota.
Now, there was a guy in his class 9th or 10th I guess, He was here coz some guys at school bullied him and he could not even go tell the teacher. Looks like a loser, right? Let me tell you one more thing, He was the same guy who made everyone in the room cry or maybe I am a lil too emotional . Jotting down his definition coz I really don't need say anymore:
"I don’t remember the definition of democracy which my teacher taught me, If I did maybe I would write that here. But I do remember the way I've always imagined myself to live if I were free to act out of will. Everyone keeps whining about how they want new identities, freedom, better amenities. I just want to be like the rest of you. Tomorrow when I got to school and see my boyfriend, I do not want to act interested in the girls...I just want to go over and say hi to him, the way normal people would. I don’t want to find a corner every time I want to get intimate with him. I don't want my parents to thing he bullies me, He loves me and I love that. I hate to think hundred and one times before I hold his hand. I hate it more when people ridicule us. Every time on V-day people say the so called 'activists' are unfair, they wont let you hold hands in public, share a private moment in a park or simply gift your Valentine a pack of chocolates. Well, Its V-day for us too, just that it is EVERYDAY of our existence that we go under this grinder. When I do share my feelings with people really close to me, they tell me to think again. I want to shout right then, I have been thinking all my life goddamit. Maybe some day I will get married to a girl but I will never learn to live or love coz I really can’t live in this 'Democracy' of yours."
Friday, February 20, 2009
Wuv
I really don't know what I am going to write about. I haven't even decided a theme or anything, I never do.
I am in Agra...The city of love. My cousin is the most awesome person ever. We went to see the Tajmahal together. It was closed :s So dada dearest took me to sadar (Btw, all this was at 3 at night or 3 in the morning, as you please) The streets were empty. We did sing old, romantic, painfull hindi songs (Painfull coz My love is far far away in Vizag and His lady love is farther away in UK) We danced on the roads. We saw the workers cleaning them at 5 in the morning and we had tea on a tea stall (it was yuck!!)
We had the most awesome breakfast ever at another stall, Eggs and bread :D
It was all the way. yummmm yummmmmmm.
I felt so secure when I was with him. As if nothing in the world could even touch me. For once, I was myself. I really wished he lived in delhi. I really wished he was not just my cousin.
Fug man! I am friggin useless.
Haan toh...Ek romantic sheher, ek super hot ladki...the only thing we were missing was Akshay Prabhakaran, actually even a Brad pitt wouldn't hurt but then he would get hurt coz Akshay has an unlimited supply of them rubber bullet. Ah, My wuvly vegetarian. Wuv ju sho much .
Thats it. I guess. Yes. Done. Bye.
I am in Agra...The city of love. My cousin is the most awesome person ever. We went to see the Tajmahal together. It was closed :s So dada dearest took me to sadar (Btw, all this was at 3 at night or 3 in the morning, as you please) The streets were empty. We did sing old, romantic, painfull hindi songs (Painfull coz My love is far far away in Vizag and His lady love is farther away in UK) We danced on the roads. We saw the workers cleaning them at 5 in the morning and we had tea on a tea stall (it was yuck!!)
We had the most awesome breakfast ever at another stall, Eggs and bread :D
It was all the way. yummmm yummmmmmm.
I felt so secure when I was with him. As if nothing in the world could even touch me. For once, I was myself. I really wished he lived in delhi. I really wished he was not just my cousin.
Fug man! I am friggin useless.
Haan toh...Ek romantic sheher, ek super hot ladki...the only thing we were missing was Akshay Prabhakaran, actually even a Brad pitt wouldn't hurt but then he would get hurt coz Akshay has an unlimited supply of them rubber bullet. Ah, My wuvly vegetarian. Wuv ju sho much .
Thats it. I guess. Yes. Done. Bye.
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