Testimonials.

Just wanted to jot down (copy paste, to be precise) my favorite testimonial here. Why? Meri marzi bhai...Mera blog! Main kuch bhi karon :D

I'm writing this testimonial for the 5th time, if she still doesnt get it, i will write it again.

I know this might not stay at the top for a long time, some other person might most probably write something better and take the position but i really dont mind if that happens, im not writing this for the spot, its for the person instead

I hate it when she is sad
I hate it more when she wont tell me why
I hate it even more when she doesn't know why


I hate it when she is angry
I hate it more when it is on me
I hate it even more when i cant do anything about it


I hate it when some sheep-relative hacks her profile
I hate it more when it makes her upset for 6 hours

I hate it when she is offline
I hate it more coz we cant meet when we are offline
I hate it even more when she doesn't email

I hate it when my wife says unfriendly things about my mistress
I hate it more when the opposite happens


I hate it when she cries
I hate it more when she goes *dies *


I hate it when she wont tell me something
I hate it more when she says its nothing
I hate it even more when she doesn't know herself


I hate it when she goes on date with someone else
I hate it more when she does it to make me feel bad

I hate it when someone hits on her
I hate it more when that happens again and again


I hate it when we miss each other
I hate it more when it happens by a couple of minutes


I hate it when somebody asks about her contacts
I hate it more when lot of people do the same


I really hate it when we are interrupted
I really hate it more when it happens again and again


But what i really hate the most is that i cant tell her how much i love her and miss her every moment i want to

Love you forever, iDot. :*

Count your blessings

After a long long time... yesterday I really spoke my heart out to someone. It was a lil uncanny, yes. But once I was comfortable...there was no stopping me. Thanks for listening me out bhai :)

We were talking about how someone, anyone, in my place would have become a ruthless, spoilt, useless brat. Well, maybe yes. But I wont crib..I wont even say I would have been happier had my life been a lil more simple, uncomplicated.
At least I have no right to whine. I have two eyes which can see the blue sky, the brown soil, the green plants and all the beauty. I have a nose which can smell the flowers in my garden. I have a set of perfect ears to listen to Green day, what would I have done without them.
I have two hands which can feed me, let me msg people, draw, play the sitar and type! I can walk around, all thanks to my legs, I know I cant manage without them. I have a voice people recognise with. I can breathe eachday and not worry about anything else.
I have a mom I can call my mom, I have two actually :D I have a dad who has always been by my side....no matter what. And I have a bundle of happiness, My bundle of happiness, Alpy :)
Everyday before I sleep, I just wish tomorrow happens, normally. Even though a short one, I have a life better than a million thousand people who live in Shelters for the homeless, Refugee camps, Slums. I count myself lucky 'coz I am better off than someone who has never seen her mom put on a bindi, someone who has never heard the wind tease through his hair, someone who has never spoken a word of love to the people she wants to reach out to, someone who has never felt the first drop of rain on her skin, someone who is really really special .

I want to be a government doctor. Sounds very non-glamorous, right? So be it. I just want to know how it feels to touch lives of the people who will always remember you coz you saved their brother or mother or wife. I want to know how it feels to live in a place with no electricity for months and work under the light of the lamp. I want to know how it feels to tell those kids about a computer who have never even heard of one. I want to know how it feels to be placed next to he who owns us all... I really want to know who it feels to be placed to god. I really want to know how it feels to be a doctor.

Definitions and Democracy.

In my 11th class I visited a psychiatrist, ask me why. It was one of those group sessions where you just chit chat and basically waste some time, just to come back later and waste more. I had my iPod ready and was all in for a nice, long time with my music, alone.
But when it came, it hit me with all its force, I was taken aback. My 'doctor' was not the imagined, 'stereotypical' old spectacled woman but a young guy, probably in his late 20s.
But that’s totally not what made me go wow, It was his attire and moreover the twin ear piercing he had got. I was like ZOMG! He needs a sane person to live with more than I need a doctor. But just then I realized that this was going to be one day full of surprises!

Before I was leaving for this place my dad explained to me a hundred times how it was just a formality and how I shouldn't mind it. Mind it? God, I loved it...And if this is what you call formalities, Please get me some more dad.

This guy, don’t remember his name now, placed a HUGE drawing sheet on the floor and told all of us to sit down, making a circle around it. He gave us each a pen and told us to write a definition of democracy. Obviously, It had to be original and exactly what democracy to us is.
Me posting my definition here, Just coz I am jobless:
My democracy would be one where the youth are educated, street smart and confident or at least where they get the opportunity to become any of it. It would be where they have a clear set idea of how the government is run, who runs it and how "we" can make a difference to something (running the government) which affects our lives, completely. It would be someplace where the "leaders" would adhere to what they preach and where what’s on paper would be put to practice. It has to someplace where a guy/girl in his teens wouldn't say I don't want to become a politician, I am not corrupt. And yes, it would be where I proudly stand up and say I AM AN INDIAN before needing to say I am from Assam's insurgency areas or I am a Muslim or I hold an OBC quota.

Now, there was a guy in his class 9th or 10th I guess, He was here coz some guys at school bullied him and he could not even go tell the teacher. Looks like a loser, right? Let me tell you one more thing, He was the same guy who made everyone in the room cry or maybe I am a lil too emotional . Jotting down his definition coz I really don't need say anymore:
"I don’t remember the definition of democracy which my teacher taught me, If I did maybe I would write that here. But I do remember the way I've always imagined myself to live if I were free to act out of will. Everyone keeps whining about how they want new identities, freedom, better amenities. I just want to be like the rest of you. Tomorrow when I got to school and see my boyfriend, I do not want to act interested in the girls...I just want to go over and say hi to him, the way normal people would. I don’t want to find a corner every time I want to get intimate with him. I don't want my parents to thing he bullies me, He loves me and I love that. I hate to think hundred and one times before I hold his hand. I hate it more when people ridicule us. Every time on V-day people say the so called 'activists' are unfair, they wont let you hold hands in public, share a private moment in a park or simply gift your Valentine a pack of chocolates. Well, Its V-day for us too, just that it is EVERYDAY of our existence that we go under this grinder. When I do share my feelings with people really close to me, they tell me to think again. I want to shout right then, I have been thinking all my life goddamit. Maybe some day I will get married to a girl but I will never learn to live or love coz I really can’t live in this 'Democracy' of yours."

Wuv

I really don't know what I am going to write about. I haven't even decided a theme or anything, I never do.

I am in Agra...The city of love. My cousin is the most awesome person ever. We went to see the Tajmahal together. It was closed :s So dada dearest took me to sadar (Btw, all this was at 3 at night or 3 in the morning, as you please) The streets were empty. We did sing old, romantic, painfull hindi songs (Painfull coz My love is far far away in Vizag and His lady love is farther away in UK) We danced on the roads. We saw the workers cleaning them at 5 in the morning and we had tea on a tea stall (it was yuck!!)
We had the most awesome breakfast ever at another stall, Eggs and bread :D
It was all the way. yummmm yummmmmmm.
I felt so secure when I was with him. As if nothing in the world could even touch me. For once, I was myself. I really wished he lived in delhi. I really wished he was not just my cousin.
Fug man! I am friggin useless.

Haan toh...Ek romantic sheher, ek super hot ladki...the only thing we were missing was Akshay Prabhakaran, actually even a Brad pitt wouldn't hurt but then he would get hurt coz Akshay has an unlimited supply of them rubber bullet. Ah, My wuvly vegetarian. Wuv ju sho much .

Thats it. I guess. Yes. Done. Bye.

I still love you...yes, I do!

Even today when I look out the window I wish to see something that can make me smile.
Even today these eyes are looking out for just one person, you.
It has been days, months, years, ages...I need to reach you now.
The world wont understand
And I dont want them to.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want for this pain to end.
I just want to hug you tight and cry tonight.
I just want to give trust one more try.
I have changed and maybe I am a lot more close to being perfect.
But I want to be the girl you fell in love with.
The confused, bubbly, happy, emotional and out going person that you first met.
I dont wish for perfection I just wish for things to be normal,
For you to be happy,
for us to be together,
And for trust to be what we share.

G'Hee'

How much is too much?

1.[point] ME (13/12/08)

Thank gawd I've a both side ruled paper !

I'm supposed to be studying now and all the other time as well. You know, Sometimes we can't see what people really are; we often see the side they "show" , thats it! This letter will be put to the scrutinizing test of the watchful eyes too...Hope you understand what people I am talking about.
There is a constant shouting match here that has been haunting all the happines away. So, Basically I am as miserable as ever :P

I was aware, I was selfish , mean and all the other things...
I was aware, All the time "we" lost on would never, ever, come back. If I say it was coz I had boards to write, a damned relationship to deal with and a Dead Best friend to mourn over I wouldn't do justice to the being true part.

These things did matter , love. But they were never really the sole reason behind the friends forver "falling apart", well almost ! It all started when I got this notion in my head that I was not being a true Best friend...The kind they'd talk about in fairy tales.

And then came sur, The kind of flawless I wished I could be, back then. Remember. Once she said " You left the hand long ago" and I said, "No, The hand left me" I never left your hand cupcake...I never would!

We are both big girls here . We know things in life don't always turn out the way we imagine then with our big head on the cosy pillow at night. Things do go wrong. But the past is a lost thing... However hard we may try, we cant never relive even a single moment out of the millions that have gone by. All that is in our hands is the present, our present. I am not running away this time. I wont run away.

How I wish I could point a few faults here and there but there were none, love. You were never wrong. It was the wind maybe or the water or maybe me...! But not you, No way!

Have started believing in the "Whateve happens, happens for the good" cliche very firmly.
In a way that time alone at home, when I would sit with my pea sized brain bubbling with thoughts, my small heart brimming with feelings-willing yet not coming to the Sports complex- That time alone gave my life a deeper meaning; I found myself when I thought I was as lost as a 3 year old would be with a bunch of strippers! That time taught me a lot...More than I can learn in a thousand years...And it gave you a new best friend in Surabhi.

I know this letter is way too long and my words dont make much of an impact but its all from the heart. Now, I have reached a point in this letter and in life at large which we call the writer's block. I dont know what I've written so far or what I'll be writing in the next few paragraphs, and it does not matter anyway. What matters is how you take it, see it.

To sum it up, we must now think how we can build a new today, a beautiful today where we can again be the Best friends who would not meet for months and still know how the other would react to anything at all. Hope you will pen down everything, beautiful and ugly, warm and cold, you felt while reading this. Let me know, If I've been able to answer all the questions you've been asking yourself.

Today, I am a new person(this change took place a couple of months back). I am happy with what life is and with all that it is not. I live with the hope that tomorrow will be better, it has got to be good. Today , I dont wish I was flawless coz finally I've found someone who not only loves me with these flaws but would love me for them.
I know I can with ease manage to write a hundred more miles but the clock that is ticking away so fast and my homework which is waiting for me wont agree.

Me and him are still friends...Havent been in contact really but if he would have been here he would have definately said "Hi n ol" , LOL! :P

With all the love,
Sherry